Title: Truth & Honesty 

Author: Suzie 

Date: 29-04-00 to 18-2-01

Disclaimer: 
To be creative
Is something new
A little poem
From me to you

I don't own
A person here
But the story's mine
So gimme a cheer!

Dedication: This was originally dedicated to: The bridge, especially being under it... oh and the
 navy ;) But I've since changed my mind, after all the person who'd actually get it so living in 
the middle of nowhere. So it's now dedicated to Rach & Pip for keeping me company whilst Vanessa 
chases cow's and a six year old whilst waiting for a rendezvous with the mailman ;)

Authors Notes: This took nearly a year to finish, which is rather sad considering that it's 
really quite short and all. You'll all probably guess where it's headed after about the 3rd 
paragraph (Cam did) but that's not the point of it. So read and gimme feedback, soon. Because 
I'll be off line for a few weeks in about a week! Please? suzie@standard.net.au

Oh and if anyone has a better idea for a title - gimme a yell!

Summary: Love's for a lifetime not for a moment [All the Love in the World, The Corrs]

~*~* 
Truth & Honesty
~*~* 

So, I love her. There's nothing wrong with loving someone is there? Why should there be? Love is
 caring for someone immensely. But being in love... being *in* love with someone is more than 
that. 

That's my problem. 

I'm *in* love with her. 

It took me a while to realise that I was. It's funny that really. You can know someone for so 
long and not realise how you *really* feel. I think that I fell in love with her a while back 
now.

I realised then. It was more than respect that I felt for her. More than just caring and love. It
 was being *in* love. I can't remember when I'd ever felt this way before. About anyone. Ever.

I woke up one morning and went to work. Everything was normal. But the way she smiled at me as 
she walked through the door. It hit me then. I remember the precise moment. There was just 
*something* different. I could never put my finger on it. I still can't.

I just know I'm in love. And I feel fantastic. I feel alive.

I think she noticed a difference in me. I was full of smiles. I was happy, giddy could describe
 it too. But it wasn't me. I'm not like this. I'm in control, all the time. Every time. Without
 fail, ever.

I know that she'll never love me back the way that I love her, it's impossible. We're from two 
different sides of the bridge so to speak. Sure, she can, she does care about me. I know that, 
she's told me. 

I'm so selfish because I want more than that. I want it all and I want her. I want her more than
 I've wanted anyone ever before and I can't stop myself. I know I should. It's unhealthy feeling
 this way, sure. But I can't help, I can't help it, I can't help it. It goes around and around in
 my mind. I want to scream "I LOVE YOU" and for her to smile and come back and hug me tight and 
to say quietly in my ear "I love you too." But she never will.

It's all a game I guess, searching for the one, the one, the one that you're going to commit to
 forever. But how often does that happen anymore? I'd commit to her any day, all she has to do is
 give me the nod and I'm hers. Forever and a day.

I know that she's still searching for "the one" and I think she's found what she's looking for, 
it's right under her nose but she can't see it. It's not me, incase you were wondering. It'll 
never be me. A tinge of sadness washes over me when I admit that and again I feel guilty about 
feeling sad. 

I'm so confused and I don't know why that is. I want to get over this and just, just...

So I love her. She loves someone else, mind you she doesn't realise it yet. But I'll help her 
realise that and then she'll be happy, and even though it's corny it'll make me happy. Happy that
 she is. Then I can get on with living and not being held up by this "hang up" I've got.

I've said my piece, and I'm happy. No I haven't, there's so much more that I feel and that I need 
to say about her. I could go on forever, she's that you know. But mostly it's off my chest and 
for a while I'm still going to be in love with her. But soon it'll die down to just love. Just 
love... Humph, what an understatment, how can anything be just love?

"Helen?" A knock on the door and a face appearing around the corner interrupt my thoughts. It's
 her.
"Yeah," I look up and smile.
"We're off for the day." I nod.
"No problems" I smile again. "Oh, and good work today Goldstein."
"Thanks," She smiles and closes the door.

THE END

feedback: suzie@standard.net.au